His Butler's Servant Ch. 13** Sebastian x Reader

Sebastian walks away from the wardrobe in which I still stand, and crosses the spacious room to the window, his back to me.  As he looks out, he removes the black jacket and tosses it (neatly!) over a nearby armchair.  He moves his head from side to side, getting the kinks out of his neck, and sighs.  Without looking down, he unbuttons the vest and removes it, adding it on top of the jacket.  He loosens the tie at the base of his neck and brings it up over his head.  It lands on the seat of the armchair.  He removes his gloves (toss!) and then undoes the top two buttons of his white shirt, and steps out of his shoes.  He brings the window shade down and turns to face into the room, rolling up the left sleeve and then the right.  Only then does he look for me.  I have not left the wardrobe.  

"Please, do come in."  

"This is not my room."

"I am aware of that.  This is, in fact, my room.  Please come in."

"Sebastian."  He moves to a small sofa to the right of the large bed and gets comfortable.  He almost looks out of place.  He simply looks at me and waits.  I turn and take two steps down to return to the passage, confident I can find my own way.  "Your father and I struck a deal."  I freeze mid-step and wait for him to continue.  He does not.  I take two more steps down and am almost at the landing.  "He agreed to give up any claims to you if I guaranteed he would never see you again.  And I did.  They will never see you again.  Even if they beg me, it will not happen."   

I climb back up the steps and stand once again within the wardrobe.  "How can you guarantee that?"  

"There are ways, many ways.  You do not need to be concerned about that, however.  You just need to understand that you are free of them."

I step out of the wardrobe, drawn to him by these words.  I sit on the edge of the sofa, processing what he just revealed.  "Let me see if I understand what you are telling me.  You and my father have an arrangement.  Regarding me."  Sebastian nods, a small smile on his face.  "When did this come about?"

"Does it really matter?  All that matters now are two things:  that you realize you are everything your parents insisted you were not, and that you are the mistress of your future."  

"Sebastian!"  I cry but I am not sad!  "This is the greatest gift, short of life itself, I have ever been given.  There is nothing, no money, no grand house, no diamond, nor gold nor silver, no - no anything that could make me happier than I am at this moment."  Tears continue to fall although I am laughing as I wipe them away.  

He moves closer, handing me a sharply pressed handkerchief.  I dab at my eyes and cheeks.

"You missed one.  "  He takes the cloth from my hands and barely touches the skin above my dress.  I feel like an archer's bow being drawn ever so slowly, a tension building deep within.  

"Kiss me, like at the stream," I blurt out.  He gives me a chaste peck on the cheek, smirking at my reaction.  "That's not what happened.  Kiss me, properly!" 

"As I did at the stream, and in your chambers..."  

I gasp.  "Oh!  I forg--"  His hands hold my face exactly where he wants it and he begins a most engaging round of kissing that leaves me not only breathless, but unable to think clearly.  Not that I want to think.  

"Is that what happened?"  Such a smug smile on his face.

"Almost.  I think it was more like - "  I start a second round, but Sebastian quickly takes command.  My senses reel.  I am so dizzy that I fall back against the sofa for support.

"Why, Sebastian?  Why am I behaving this way?  This is not how I was brought up..."  

"Indeed.  You were constantly scolded or ignored.  Your talents and abilities were chastised, not appreciated.  As such, in my humble opinion, you have no concept of how to receive, much less delight, in positive attention.  You had never received it in any form until you arrived here."   

 

"I'm af---"  He stops my words with the sweetest kiss that seems to last for hours.  Almost every confusing thought melts away.  He kisses my neck and whipsers in my ear, "Are you still afraid?"  His eyes search mine, patiently waiting for an answer.  I want to say 'no', but I am.  Yet I want this, all of this, and whatever happens next.  He reads the confusion in my eyes.  "I am rushing you; that was never my intention.  I would never force anything on you.  I beg your forgiveness, ___.  "

"There is nothing to forgive, Sebastian.  Everything you have said about me is true.  Even so, I feel as though I don't know who I am anymore.  I want to stay with you; I want to leave because...I...should?  I feel shame for what I have been told is utterly unacceptable behaviour.  I feel their disappointment ready to pounce on me at every decision I make.  I cannot simply let that go."

"Let me help you, my lady."  His lovely eyes are as soft as his voice.  "It will take time to learn to think differently about yourself.  I will help you erase their voices from your mind."  Gently, he takes my hands in his and kisses each one in turn.  "I shall see you to your room."

"No."